2013 Review: 10 of the Most Disappointing Albums
What goes up must (often) come down. In 2013 there was a symphony of crashing expectations as people realized that their beloved bands and artists were far from perfect. Obviously this is all objective - everyone likes or dislikes something based on their own set of standards and opinions. But what makes a bad album? A bland sound? Failure to communicate an idea? Over confidence? Not enough studio time? Wrong producer? I think all of these and certainly these are just some of the problems with my pick for 2013's most disappointing releases.
Starting at
(10)
Starting at
(10)
Yeah Yeah Yeahs
'Mosquito'
Interscope Records
6.5 / 10
Don't get me wrong here - this is not an awful album. It's taken an incredibly long to grow on me. Well, what happens when a rusty, ballsy, neo-punk, sneery fist-in-a-bucket-of-blood band goes chillwave?? With Dave Sitek (TV On The Radio) helming this potentially legendary project, and then a toast or two from none other than James Murphy himself, this could have been the alternative album to end all alternative albums. First listen failed to render even chills. They dove deep underground to produce some of the sounds here and it is really pointless to listen to this album without headphones on. There is a dark complexity to this album, and in that way it trumps their previous almost summery album 'It's Blitz'.
'Mosquito' is a bit like liqourice. Sticky, dark and an acquired taste. I'm still wrapping my head around it now, which just shows that it's not nearly as accessible or exciting as their previous stuff. 'Sacrilege' and 'Despair' remain the most listenable.
( 9 )
Kings Of Leon
'Mechanical Bull'
6.0 / 10
Kings have proved that they can sing the crap out of any song. Caleb can screech and howl and take it low and growl. Nathan is in my top 3 favourite current drummers and Matthew and Jared are pretty brilliant at bass and lead. But I don't know what happened with this album. I've warmed to it slightly more and have found that it's the perfect background album for studying. But I mean come on! This is the Kings Of Leon we're talking about here. Since when do they make background music?? Even the lambasted 'Come Around Sundown' came together better than this. There are decent moments on 'Bull', but they are unfortunately lost at sea in a current of mediocrity. Rock by numbers doesn't do it for me. I think the band should break up and go solo. And then reunite when they're in their 50s and play this album live. Then it might sound great.
( 8 )
Grouplove
'Spreading Rumours'
5.0 / 10
When a band releases it's introductory EP and album as likable as Grouplove's were, they immediately garner a spot in your list of loveable indie bands. When they try a rinse, lather and repeat for their second album, you're just not so sure anymore.
'Spreading Rumours' was just more of the same. Momentarily touching on something darker and more interesting ('Hippy Hill'), they had that moment and then swiftly moved on to more hand claps and screeches. Boring.
( 7 )
Kanye West
'Yeezus'
2.0 / 10
Speaking of boring, here's one. When you have a track on your album called
"I Am a God (featuring God)"
your credibility as a serious artist can only be called into question. That kind of juvenile crap is what is contributing to his already severely damaged image. The problem is not only that he overestimates himself even more than Bono or Liam Gallagher, its that he had a lot of promise. When Justin Vernon's minor contributing role is the entire highlight of your album (and given that you are a "rapper"), it's seriously time for a reality check.
He is unfortunately now a mere parody of himself. The only way he could make me take notice of him now was if he got humble or down to earth. But I think there's more chance of Kim graduating Harvard or getting a job.
( 6 )
Lady Gaga
"ARTPOP"
'Mosquito'
Interscope Records
6.5 / 10
Don't get me wrong here - this is not an awful album. It's taken an incredibly long to grow on me. Well, what happens when a rusty, ballsy, neo-punk, sneery fist-in-a-bucket-of-blood band goes chillwave?? With Dave Sitek (TV On The Radio) helming this potentially legendary project, and then a toast or two from none other than James Murphy himself, this could have been the alternative album to end all alternative albums. First listen failed to render even chills. They dove deep underground to produce some of the sounds here and it is really pointless to listen to this album without headphones on. There is a dark complexity to this album, and in that way it trumps their previous almost summery album 'It's Blitz'.
'Mosquito' is a bit like liqourice. Sticky, dark and an acquired taste. I'm still wrapping my head around it now, which just shows that it's not nearly as accessible or exciting as their previous stuff. 'Sacrilege' and 'Despair' remain the most listenable.
( 9 )
Kings Of Leon
'Mechanical Bull'
6.0 / 10
Kings have proved that they can sing the crap out of any song. Caleb can screech and howl and take it low and growl. Nathan is in my top 3 favourite current drummers and Matthew and Jared are pretty brilliant at bass and lead. But I don't know what happened with this album. I've warmed to it slightly more and have found that it's the perfect background album for studying. But I mean come on! This is the Kings Of Leon we're talking about here. Since when do they make background music?? Even the lambasted 'Come Around Sundown' came together better than this. There are decent moments on 'Bull', but they are unfortunately lost at sea in a current of mediocrity. Rock by numbers doesn't do it for me. I think the band should break up and go solo. And then reunite when they're in their 50s and play this album live. Then it might sound great.
( 8 )
Grouplove
'Spreading Rumours'
5.0 / 10
When a band releases it's introductory EP and album as likable as Grouplove's were, they immediately garner a spot in your list of loveable indie bands. When they try a rinse, lather and repeat for their second album, you're just not so sure anymore.
'Spreading Rumours' was just more of the same. Momentarily touching on something darker and more interesting ('Hippy Hill'), they had that moment and then swiftly moved on to more hand claps and screeches. Boring.
( 7 )
Kanye West
'Yeezus'
2.0 / 10
Speaking of boring, here's one. When you have a track on your album called
"I Am a God (featuring God)"
your credibility as a serious artist can only be called into question. That kind of juvenile crap is what is contributing to his already severely damaged image. The problem is not only that he overestimates himself even more than Bono or Liam Gallagher, its that he had a lot of promise. When Justin Vernon's minor contributing role is the entire highlight of your album (and given that you are a "rapper"), it's seriously time for a reality check.
He is unfortunately now a mere parody of himself. The only way he could make me take notice of him now was if he got humble or down to earth. But I think there's more chance of Kim graduating Harvard or getting a job.
( 6 )
Lady Gaga
"ARTPOP"
3.0 / 10
In much the same vein, supreme ladydouche Gaga and her hoards of little douchelets must hear something vastly when they listen to this "music". There has always been the most enormous diconnect with her look, her sound, and what she thinks her sound is. I'll admit that I really like her ridiculous get ups. They're often stupid, occasionally quite funny and always genuinely creative. That's all great in my book. She truly keeps me interested and entertained with her look. And then there's her music. Whilst her look is outrageous, dramatic, horrific and carefully constructed, her sound is a pastiche of all that is common and uninteresting. It's like Marilyn Manson singing an Abba song. Out of tune. It just doesn't go together at freaking all. Her voice is actually terrific. And the opening track about the bhurka was genuinely interesting. 'Dope' was a wonderfully restrained moment for her. Unfortunately everywhere else is just her making jokes about her anus and making what she thinks is a raunchy, tongue in cheek reference to sex
('Get on top of me').
Other "controversial" lyrics include "You're just a pig in human flesh", "do you want to see me naked?"
(haven't we already?) and something about sexxx dreams.
Because it's raunchier if you add the extra two x's.
Really Gaga? It's all so pathetic and feeble that you wonder if she would even make it into the semi finals for Eurovision. The day her sound matches her look is the day I'll buy an album of hers. Even crusty aged "queen" of pop Madonna remains a slightly more credible songwriter. Slightly.
( 5 )
Sleigh Bells
'Rivals'
3.0 / 10
Now a fresh young band who has very definitely redefined multiple genres and carved out for themselves a slice of credibility cake, not to mention the respect and admiration of peers, just pissed that all away with this half-baked glittery mess. You could see what they were going for. Unfortunately with the rush to get it out, few of the songs feel finished and most are just annoying, rather than cool. They tried to transition to the 80s R&B side of their inspiration (as is so hot right now), but their awkward attempts at doing so were laughable. Had they got Solange to appear on some tracks, or else sequestered a producer like Chromeo to help mould this album, it could have been something completely different. If you're gonna "sell out" to pop music, commit to it. This was just half arsed and embarrassing.
( 4 )
Cut Copy
'Free Your Mind'
3.5 / 10
In much the same way, Cut Copy pissed all over a genre by trying to go in a new direction. 'A' for effort and it was something very different for them. But they lost something intangible and vital with this release. Gone was the charm, the subtle winks to the 80's, 70's and 60's and obscuring all instead was an enormous dollop of cheesy early 90's rave. It's messy and uncool and shallow as Barbie's vagina. As fake too. Actually just plain annoying.
( 3 )
The Strokes
'Comedown Machine'
4.0 / 10
From annoying to heart-wrenching. I was so prepared for this album. Listening to it the first time was like swallowing a bowl of potash and gravel. I don't know how so many people ranked this album so highly. I did not understand 'Angles' but could enjoy the odd moment on the album here and there. But that's so much more than I can say for this, whatever it is. Going solo always messes things up for a band. Julian reveled in some gloriously weird crap with his 2010 solo 'Phrazes For The Young'. It was fine. Kind of funny even. Like a Mick Jagger / Michael Jackson collabo. But the weirdness filtered through to 'Angles', where all was smoke machines and disco balls. 'Machine' sounds like a band lost in an 80s R&B video, trying to find their way back to their NYC, greasy hair and ripped jeans roots. They just didn't quite make it out in time. It's not atrocious from beginning to end. 'One Way Trigger' sounds like a female fronted Asian band trying to sound like the Strokes. 'Partners In Crime' could be Gwen Stefani / Pharrel Williams track. 'Call It Fate Call It Karma' is like the drowning of Gatsby. One thing is good about 'Comedown Machine' though.
It's made 'Angles' sound positively delightful by comparison.
( 2 )
MGMT
'MGMT'
3.0 / 10
They self titled it as if to say "this is who we really are". Well if I had known that I would never have bothered. This to me (like my number one pick) is a classic example of a band who had got to the stage where they can prank their fans with any piece of shite they want and people will lustily consume it and dissect it and talk endlessly about it's "genius" and how it "says so much by saying so little". It's just a prank people. They're pulling the wool over your eyes! It's like Ballstein in Zoolander talking about Mugatu -
"This man is so hot that he could take a dogshit, cover it in tin foil, put two fish hooks in it and sell it to the Queen as earrings".
That, in essence, is 'MGMT'.
Although a dog turd is something. This is barely that. A few spacey sound effects and some drawn out auto-tuned vocals do not a psychedelic band make thee. Or if it does it's about time we rethink the genre. It's like trying to eat air.
And so brings us to the biggest pile of steaming shite released in 2013
(even bigger than a Kanye turd of a song)
( 1 )
In much the same vein, supreme ladydouche Gaga and her hoards of little douchelets must hear something vastly when they listen to this "music". There has always been the most enormous diconnect with her look, her sound, and what she thinks her sound is. I'll admit that I really like her ridiculous get ups. They're often stupid, occasionally quite funny and always genuinely creative. That's all great in my book. She truly keeps me interested and entertained with her look. And then there's her music. Whilst her look is outrageous, dramatic, horrific and carefully constructed, her sound is a pastiche of all that is common and uninteresting. It's like Marilyn Manson singing an Abba song. Out of tune. It just doesn't go together at freaking all. Her voice is actually terrific. And the opening track about the bhurka was genuinely interesting. 'Dope' was a wonderfully restrained moment for her. Unfortunately everywhere else is just her making jokes about her anus and making what she thinks is a raunchy, tongue in cheek reference to sex
('Get on top of me').
Other "controversial" lyrics include "You're just a pig in human flesh", "do you want to see me naked?"
(haven't we already?) and something about sexxx dreams.
Because it's raunchier if you add the extra two x's.
Really Gaga? It's all so pathetic and feeble that you wonder if she would even make it into the semi finals for Eurovision. The day her sound matches her look is the day I'll buy an album of hers. Even crusty aged "queen" of pop Madonna remains a slightly more credible songwriter. Slightly.
( 5 )
Sleigh Bells
'Rivals'
3.0 / 10
Now a fresh young band who has very definitely redefined multiple genres and carved out for themselves a slice of credibility cake, not to mention the respect and admiration of peers, just pissed that all away with this half-baked glittery mess. You could see what they were going for. Unfortunately with the rush to get it out, few of the songs feel finished and most are just annoying, rather than cool. They tried to transition to the 80s R&B side of their inspiration (as is so hot right now), but their awkward attempts at doing so were laughable. Had they got Solange to appear on some tracks, or else sequestered a producer like Chromeo to help mould this album, it could have been something completely different. If you're gonna "sell out" to pop music, commit to it. This was just half arsed and embarrassing.
( 4 )
Cut Copy
'Free Your Mind'
3.5 / 10
In much the same way, Cut Copy pissed all over a genre by trying to go in a new direction. 'A' for effort and it was something very different for them. But they lost something intangible and vital with this release. Gone was the charm, the subtle winks to the 80's, 70's and 60's and obscuring all instead was an enormous dollop of cheesy early 90's rave. It's messy and uncool and shallow as Barbie's vagina. As fake too. Actually just plain annoying.
( 3 )
The Strokes
'Comedown Machine'
4.0 / 10
From annoying to heart-wrenching. I was so prepared for this album. Listening to it the first time was like swallowing a bowl of potash and gravel. I don't know how so many people ranked this album so highly. I did not understand 'Angles' but could enjoy the odd moment on the album here and there. But that's so much more than I can say for this, whatever it is. Going solo always messes things up for a band. Julian reveled in some gloriously weird crap with his 2010 solo 'Phrazes For The Young'. It was fine. Kind of funny even. Like a Mick Jagger / Michael Jackson collabo. But the weirdness filtered through to 'Angles', where all was smoke machines and disco balls. 'Machine' sounds like a band lost in an 80s R&B video, trying to find their way back to their NYC, greasy hair and ripped jeans roots. They just didn't quite make it out in time. It's not atrocious from beginning to end. 'One Way Trigger' sounds like a female fronted Asian band trying to sound like the Strokes. 'Partners In Crime' could be Gwen Stefani / Pharrel Williams track. 'Call It Fate Call It Karma' is like the drowning of Gatsby. One thing is good about 'Comedown Machine' though.
It's made 'Angles' sound positively delightful by comparison.
( 2 )
MGMT
'MGMT'
3.0 / 10
They self titled it as if to say "this is who we really are". Well if I had known that I would never have bothered. This to me (like my number one pick) is a classic example of a band who had got to the stage where they can prank their fans with any piece of shite they want and people will lustily consume it and dissect it and talk endlessly about it's "genius" and how it "says so much by saying so little". It's just a prank people. They're pulling the wool over your eyes! It's like Ballstein in Zoolander talking about Mugatu -
"This man is so hot that he could take a dogshit, cover it in tin foil, put two fish hooks in it and sell it to the Queen as earrings".
That, in essence, is 'MGMT'.
Although a dog turd is something. This is barely that. A few spacey sound effects and some drawn out auto-tuned vocals do not a psychedelic band make thee. Or if it does it's about time we rethink the genre. It's like trying to eat air.
And so brings us to the biggest pile of steaming shite released in 2013
(even bigger than a Kanye turd of a song)
( 1 )
Daft Punk
'Random Access Memories'
1.5 / 10
And that score is only because of the one big track, which is now so tired that even the Daughter cover version is enough to make me retch.
Talk about a band so hot they could record an album made one part incoherent dialogue, one part operatic interludes, one part recycled material from previous albums and exactly one listenable track and VOILA!
It's really just insulting. And really just absurd reading the Metacritics defending it.
"It's the best thing to happen to music in over a decade", writes some poor sod.
Pair of Mugatu earrings anyone?
WVS
Dishonorable mention: M.I.A. 'Matangi' / Edward Sharpe 'Edward Sharpe' / Yuck 'Glow & Behold' / Travis 'Where You Stand' / Kodaline 'In a Perfect World'
Thanks for reading people. See you next year. Maybe.
'Random Access Memories'
1.5 / 10
And that score is only because of the one big track, which is now so tired that even the Daughter cover version is enough to make me retch.
Talk about a band so hot they could record an album made one part incoherent dialogue, one part operatic interludes, one part recycled material from previous albums and exactly one listenable track and VOILA!
It's really just insulting. And really just absurd reading the Metacritics defending it.
"It's the best thing to happen to music in over a decade", writes some poor sod.
Pair of Mugatu earrings anyone?
WVS
Dishonorable mention: M.I.A. 'Matangi' / Edward Sharpe 'Edward Sharpe' / Yuck 'Glow & Behold' / Travis 'Where You Stand' / Kodaline 'In a Perfect World'
Thanks for reading people. See you next year. Maybe.
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